“I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I’d rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I’d rather have the one who holds my heart.“
-Unknown
So, things have been a little difficult lately. My partner has a 19-year-old son who is in his first semester of college. He has had an issue with lying about school since I moved in a year ago. Well, my partner and I found out he missed two tests in one class a few weeks ago. My partner, well, he flipped his lid! When he came and told me about it, he said one of the most hurtful things he had said in our entire relationship: “If I hadn’t been wasting my time playing house, I could have been dealing with my own shit.”
Now, I had never heard this phrase before. After he stormed out, I called my father to ask him what it meant when Google failed me. After he explained, I felt my blood run cold. He basically threw it in my face that the past year of my life with him had basically been a distraction and a waste. I was heartbroken. I was numb, numb to the point where I couldn’t feel a knife tip dug deeply into my skin (my go-to method to feel something). His words had cut me that deeply.
Later, he came to me and apologized because he knew what he’d said was hurtful and that it wasn’t fair or true. But I could barely even process the words coming from his mouth at the time. Some time has now passed. Another blowup happened, this time he threatened to send his son back to his mother (who is a horrible woman). I had to fight him for 20 minutes to get him to reconsider.
Things have calmed again, but I feel very numb and hollow now. I’m beginning to understand my predecessor a little bit better. He needs help. He is insecure to be who he is to the fullest, and is making excuses about seeking help. He fights me when I try to help him realize that the parts of himself that he is ashamed of are a bigger part of him than he realizes. Today he snapped at one of my Alters, Samantha, who has been fulfilling a role for him as a Domme. I am feeling her hurt as well as my own. We’ve spoken, and she and I are at a loss as to what to do. She wants to talk more to him about it, but is now afraid to because of his temper. I feel lost and hollow. Do I run? Do I stay? Will he listen to me? I don’t know.
Stay Wicked, dear readers. Send some good vibes my way. I’m going to need them.