Ok. This is not an easy thing to write about, mostly because it hurts. I hope this will help someone else to not make the same mistakes I did.
My partner and I decided to try dating a couple that we were friends with. He had dated the woman (let’s call her Emily) in the past and still had feelings for her, and I had a crush on both Emily and her fiance (let’s call him Mark). We tried to date, but due to some miscommunication issues mostly on my part, it didn’t work.
I’ll be honest. Knowing you are the main reason a relationship didn’t work out hurts like hell. It’s like a white-hot poker being driven through your heart but it’s too hot to pull out. So you let it sit there and continue to burn.
I fucked up. I know I did. I would give anything to go back and correct the errors I know I made. It honestly kills me that I ruined not one but two really good connections, and I have to live with knowing it was my fault.
So, I’m going to list what to do and what not to do, to save anyone reading this some serious heartache.
- Talk less. Listen more. I spent way too much time thinking of what I was going to say, and not really listening to the needs and grievances of my two partners. I also stayed on the defensive and wasn’t totally receptive to criticism until it almost cost me my main relationship too. Listen to the needs of those around you. Let them feel like they have a voice, and that you are receptive to them.
- Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you need to work on as a person. I know I have a lot of baggage. I know I have a lot of social interaction issues. I should’ve addressed those before EVER starting this type of relationship. Please be honest with yourselves and bring up any potential issues you have that might cause a problem later.
- Own. Your. Shit. This is where I fucked up a lot. I didn’t own everything I did or said. I made excuses. I owned parts of my shit, but I didn’t own everything I’d done. THAT. DOESN’T. FLY. Be a fucking adult and own what you do.
So, here I sit, crying behind this computer screen. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Sitting where I am sitting right now hurts like a bitch and it fucking sucks. Don’t be dumb like I was. Be smart. Treat people the way they should be treated. Don’t be selfish.
Stay wicked.